01 AUG 24
This song signifies several 'firsts' - the first song written in over a decade, first to be recorded, first video self-produced, and the first to be shared with the world, all part of the 120 moons collection.
Musically this one sets the stage for what I wanted to accomplish with this collection of 120 moons. To try new things out of my comfort zone. Whether that’s experimenting with instruments outside of the guitar (which is homebase for me), explore different tunings, vocal approaches and even song structures. While wanting to give my best and still over analyze like I always do, I wanted to try and not shy away from imperfections. The guitar you are hearing is the demo track that I made to experiment and rehearse. It doesn’t stay on tempo, the picking of the verses is a little sloppy, you hear me deep inhale through my nose at one point (hidden now with all the tracks haha but it’s there). My goal was to get as polished and professional as I could take it while still maintaining that at home feel. Let’s face it I’m no Grammy winning artist, I mess up all the time playing…I’m not perfect haha And I like it that way.
Lyrically, this is very personal and very broad all at ounce. The overall theme comes from my love of Back to the Future (title of the song is the reverse). The idea of living too much in the past and too much in the future. Everyone has things they wish they had done a little different in life. Maybe they are small, maybe very big life changing things. Some of us get caught up in life’s bullshit which causes us to behave outside of who we thought we were. Or was that us all long and just needed a push of a circumstance to reveal itself?
I’m a very private person and I’m about to let you in…just a little haha
My story is I put my wife and family through a lot in the pursuit of being a provider for them in this modern “grind” work culture. Layoffs, being a workaholic, and working nights, weekends, and holidays. Moving us across the country away from our friends and family. Having to travel when my daughter was just months old and my wife still recovering from surgery. Stressing about work on family vacations. Commuting 2-3 hours a day total for several years only getting time with my daughter in that car ride before getting home to put her to bed. Working on passion projects and side gigs when I should have been sleeping. Creating poor health in eating and not having time to exercise because of this life we are programmed to want to achieve. All for “work”. Nonstop grinding since the age of 18 when I went to college year-round to graduate in 3 years. This helped build us a beautiful life you can see in photos and also made me not present for many years. Mentally and physically exhausted, grumpy and honestly losing who I was. Looking back on all that sacrifice and it’s not like I’m a millionaire now with no financial worry or anywhere close. I am grateful for the life I have and it could be worse in so many ways don’t get me wrong. That still doesn’t change the feeling of wishing you could do it over differently.
That is heavy (shout outs Marty McF) and a tough subject to talk about. These days I aim my focus on the silver lining and look for the purpose in the hard situations that life throws at us. I don't know if this was swimming around in the subconscious, but if not I love this phrase I came up with, "Behind every dark cloud is a brighter sun".
Taking on multiple roles - writing, directing, editing, and performing (most nervous about this) in the video - was a challenging yet amazing experience. Because I’m very ambitious, for my first self-produced video I made a DIY rain simulator and used slow-motion shooting techniques to capture the vision. I couldn’t have made this easy for myself right?! This was a Goldilocks situation as we shot this video on 3 different occasions to get it just right.
This has been an incredibly rewarding creative journey, especially sharing this process with my daughter. She is the same age when I first learned to play guitar. She got to see first-hand all the many different threads that can be born from one singular idea. When I dropped her the news that she was to be the young lady behind the camera, she was excited and equally very nervous. Expected for a 10 year old with no experience, but she learned and worked hard. I'm very proud of her.